Heart's Confusion
by LadyMiriamele
Summary: A four-part fic about Kurama and Hiei. "He loves me, He loves me not" Yaoi
1. Part One

Title: Heart's Confusion (Part One)

Author: Lady Miriamele 

Warning: Yaoi 

Reviews Welcomed 

^Standard Disclaimers Apply^

Why was he so hungry for love? Why did he feel he needed Hiei's warmth so bad? What was the cause of this? Damn it! He was Youko Kurama, master thief of the Makai. He was Shuichi Minamino, perfect student and son. Why on earth was he aching so badly? It wasn't fair. He was fine by himself. He didn't need anyone else, didn't need to be loved. He had his mother. That was all he should need.

Damn his heart! Softened by the taste of human life! Angry tears, tears that no one knew he shed, streamed down his face. He had become so close to Hiei, as close as he could. Then, when Hiei went to work for Mukuro, they began to drift apart. And Kurama began to realize how much he cared for Hiei. Finally, after some off time, more missions came in for the spirit detectives and he grew close to Hiei yet again. Now his life had taken a turn.

_Why'd I have to fall in love with him? Why?_ Kurama's thoughts raced angrily. _Why do I want his love so bad? Why do I yearn to be accepted? Why can't I just die?_ He felt as if he couldn't breathe. Stupid human emotions!!!!!! He shook his head furiously. He had to be strong. Had to remain standing. This yearning for love cannot bring him down. Maybe if he would wait it out. . .

**Tap, tap, tap. **Kurama looked up. Two red eyes looked at him expectantly from his window. Outside, thunder sounded. Kurama hurried to the window and let Hiei inside. Hiei opened his mouth to speak, but then noticed something. "What's wrong? Human emotions catching up with you?" he said gruffly. 

Slightly embarrassed, Kurama wiped his tears. "Something like that. So what do you want?" 

"Hn. Mukuro sent me to the ningenkai on a mission."

Kurama sighed. Hiei would never ask for help if he needed it. "Is it the rain then? Do you need a place to stay?"

"Hn. Something like that."

Puzzled, Kurama brought himself to meet Hiei's fire stare. Was he being mocked? Or was there something like sympathy in that statement? Grumbling, he let that thought flee and gestured to his bed. "Fine then. You take the bed." With that, Kurama took some blankets and made a less-than-comfortable mattress on the floor. "Good night, Hiei." And he turned out the light.

There was no response. Kurama laid there, his anger slowly fading. Within a few moments, there was only sadness. That's the way it always worked. First rage, then despair. Kurama began to realize that it was inevitable. He was in love with someone he could never have. Someone who probably would hate him for admitting his love. A single tear fell down his cheek and then Kurama surrendered to sleep.

His dreams taunted him. His heart was racked with feelings of loss and pain. He tried to call out, to break free, but something was preventing him. Something was gaining amusement from his suffering. And that something was none other than his true love. Hiei, in his true demonic form, laughed that mechanical laughter of his while he watched Kurama cry. 

"Oi, fox! Wake up!" Hiei shook Kurama for the third time. Kurama bolted up, gasping. His hands were shaking violently. Hiei stood up and said, "Your bellowing woke me up."

Kurama, still a bit shaky, headed to the bathroom. Maybe if he locked himself in…

"Kurama," Hiei called from outside the bathroom. "You're acting very strange."

"Leave me alone," Kurama snapped. Why wouldn't Hiei let him be? Hadn't he tortured him enough?

"Fine. If that's what you want." Kurama sensed Hiei leave and opened the bathroom door. He got back into his bed and had one fleeting thought before he traveled back to dreamland. _I will never beg for love. Never._

~^*^~

That's what you get for trying to help a stubborn fox. Kicked out. Hiei grumbled as he ran through the rain. Great, where would he go now? He could go to Yukina, who would welcome him gratefully, but he truly didn't want to wake her up. It was way too late. Or early. How ever you think of it. His only choice was to deal with the rain. He found a tree in an empty park that gave him partial shelter and went to bed.

What the hell was that? Hiei's mind raced as he jumped off the tree and into a cold puddle. What had he heard? Before he had a chance to close his eyes, a voice that sounded like Kurama's rang through his mind. He had said, "I will never beg for love. Never." It was so loud, Hiei was almost certain that the entire region of Japan heard it.

Was that the fox's problem? Love. Stupid human feelings. He was torn up over a girl. Probably some brainless ningen. But who would dare turn away Kurama's love? Hiei's arm began to smoke. Kurama was very perfect. Soft spoken, polite, passionate, capable of self-sacrifice for loved ones and beautiful. Oh so beautiful. Those sad pools of green that Hiei could willingly drown in. Those long, blood red locks that danced freely with the wind. The way Kurama smiled. Those long, beautiful legs. . .

Cursing loudly, Hiei smashed his fist into a tree. He was doing it again! Going off into a fantasyland about something he could never have. Whoever was causing Kurama pain must be an idiot. If he found her, Hiei swore he'd make sure she suffered a most painful fate. But until then, he needed to get out of the rain. He was already sneezing.

~^*^~

"Kurama, are you feeling okay? You haven't been acting like yourself." _At all_, Yusuke mentally added. He and Kurama sat in the park. Yusuke had called him there to make sure everything was okay. Kurama had gotten…well, bitter. He wasn't as polite as he used to be and he hardly spoke. His smiles were obviously forced and his eyes beheld deep emotions. Sometimes, such spite and anger would be flaring and Yusuke feared Kurama could burn something with one glance. Other times, Kurama looked as if he was about to cry. There was no doubt about it. Something was definitely wrong.

"I'm fine," was the simple response.

Yusuke did his best to keep his patience. "I know something is wrong. You're like an open book." Actually, Yusuke hadn't been the one to first notice it. Keiko had pointed it out to him at first and only then had Yusuke seen the dramatic change.

"I said I am fine."

Wrong answer. "The hell you are fine, Kurama! You walk around like a zombie. You have nearly completely forgotten all your humans-should-be-polite-and-perfect campaign. You've abandoned the social life you loved so much and I haven't seen a rose in ages!" No response. "Arg, Kurama! Keiko and Yukina have noticed it too. Kuwabara, well, you know how he is. And Hiei, why do you think he spends so much time in the Makai?"

Yusuke had more to say, but suddenly the air around him had grown tense. Now Yusuke knew. Whatever had happened involved Hiei. "Okay, Kurama. Tell me. What did he do to you?"

A long pause and then: "Everything."

"What?" Now Yusuke was confused.

"Everything. He did everything. He was Hiei. And because of that, here I am, completely ruined. He changed me and I can't handle it."

". . .Huh?" 

Kurama's stare was impatient. "I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM, YUSUKE!"

"Oh." Yusuke was having a hard time processing that thought. Kurama loved Hiei? How could that be? Yusuke had always thought they were just good friends. But love? Yusuke realized Kurama was waiting for more than just an 'Oh.' "Well, what's the problem?"

"How do you think Hiei will react when I tell him?" Kurama didn't sound angry any longer. He just sounded tired.

"Oh." Again with that unintelligent word. There had to be something else he could say. But he couldn't digest what he had just heard. What had he gotten himself into? "Well, there has got to be something we can do. I mean, its visibly eating you up. Come on, you're a Youko. You must know lots of ways to win a lover over."

"Not a lover like Hiei," he grumbled. "He probably doesn't feel the same way anyway."

"Well you don't know that for sure." Though, Yusuke doubted it. Hiei didn't seem capable of love for anyone, save for his twin.

"Forget it. Its hopeless." Kurama stood to leave.

"No, wait! I have an idea!" Yusuke laughed in triumph. "Hiei may not be capable of love, but he is capable of jealousy. All you need to do to see if he really likes you in a more-than-a-friend way is to get a girlfriend."

Kurama laughed. "Look, I don't know where I'd get a girlfriend---"

"Your entire school is in love with you!" Yusuke interrupted him.

"---that would understand what I'm going through and would help out knowing there is no emotional bond involved. I don't want to hurt anyone," Kurama finished.

"Oh." Yusuke stressed his brain, trying to think of someone who would be good. Not Keiko. Heck, Yusuke figured that if she dated Kurama for a few days, even if it was pretend, he'd be history. Kurama was too much of a perfect guy. Yukina was a definate no. "How about Boton?"

"No offense, Yusuke, but I don't want to go through with this." Kurama left without another word.

Yusuke sat for a few moments longer, thinking. _Okay, Kurama, You don't have to get involved with another girl if jealousy isn't your style. But I can't let you go on like this. . ._

~^*^~

__

"Lets play a game," Yusuke yelled out, grinning wildly. The gang was gathered Genkai's temple for a small party in honor of Yusuke and Keiko's informal engagement. "How about truth or dare?"

"Yeah!" Kuwabara agreed. "That way we can find out who the real wimps are."

"Hn. Count me out," Hiei grumbled, taking a seat by a window.

"Fine, Hiei. But you have to be involved somehow. Lets see. . .Penalty: If you do not go through with your dare/truth then you must. . .Kiss Hiei!" Yusuke laugh uncontrollably. 

Hiei glared daggers. "If anyone kisses me, I swear I'll cut them into little pieces and---"

"Guess that means everyone must go through with their task," Kuwabara laughed nervously. Very good thing too. He didn't fancy the idea of kissing Hiei at all.

"I don't want to play," came Kurama's soft voice.

"Oh no, Kurama, you have to play," Yusuke urged. "Now…Kuwabara, you first."

"Truth or dare, Keiko?" he asked.

"Truth."

"Who do you like better. Yusuke or Kurama?" he snickered.

"Why, Kurama of course." She smiled as Yusuke fell to the ground. Kurama went red. "He is such a gentleman. Not to mention very good looking."

"Keiko! You're engaged to me!" Yusuke whined.

"That doesn't mean I like you very much."

Yusuke went sulking into a corner.

"Truth or dare. . .Yusuke," Keiko asked, as if she hadn't tortured him enough.

"Dare."

"Good. I dare you to go to all your classes for two weeks straight."

Everyone began to laugh and Yusuke stood up defiantly. "That isn't even a real dare!"

"If you don't like it, go kiss Hiei."

Yusuke sat down promptly and looked around the room. "Kurama, truth or dare."

Kurama thought for a moment. Yusuke was doing this on purpose. He was putting him in a position. Kurama cursed mentally and promised himself he'd get Yusuke back. He couldn't refuse, because then everyone will know something is up. Including Hiei. Dare would be very dangerous. If Yusuke thought of anything crazy, then he was in trouble. That left. . .Truth."

"Tell us who you like in a more than a friend way."

Kurama had to do something. He wished he could run away. Either way, penalty or task, everyone would know. At least with the penalty he had a better chance of Hiei not realizing. After all, it was just a game. "No," he answered simply.

"Penalty," Yusuke reminded him. Everyone stared, breathless.

Hiei's eyes widened as Kurama approached. He was frozen. _Move, _he said to himself. But he couldn't. Kurama gently took Hiei's chin in his hand. His eyes seemed to say something. Seemed to plead. He then lowered his head and placed a soft, warm kiss on Hiei's cheek. 

For a moment, everything was silent. The world seemed to melt away from the two as Kurama pulled away. Then Kuwabara's annoying laughter filled the air and Hiei snapped out of his trance. He shoved Kurama away¾ a bit too hard. Kurama fell backwards and hit the wall¾ and in a blink of an eye, he was gone.

Yusuke hit Kuwabara on the head, then went to help Kurama up. Kurama groaned and waved him away. He stood up painfully and left the temple.

"I don't believe it," Keiko was saying. "Kurama and Hiei. . .?"

"What?" Kuwabara was the only one who didn't get it.

"I hope they're okay," Yukina whispered.

~^*^~

_Stupid freakin' idiotic ningen. . _Hiei thought to himself. He let out a string of curses in every language he could think of as he ran as far as he could from the temple. Now everyone would know about his feelings for Kurama. Especially Kurama himself. Hiei knew he had let his emotions show on his face. But could you blame him? That kiss had been everything he had every dreamt about. Kurama was just wonderful. Hiei wouldn't mind doing it again, this time on the lips. But that would probably never happen. . .

__


	2. Part Two

Title: Heart's Confusion (Part Two)

Author: Lady Miriamele

Warning: Yaoi

Reviews Welcomed :)

^Standard Disclaimers Apply^

The music seemed to swirl around his head like it was alive. A snake of sound is what it was. Kurama found that he kind of liked that sensation. The tune was definitely crazy, singing of pain and death and whatever else was mumbled in the lyrics. But he listened to it with a grim smile on his face. It was a good song.

"Want another?" the bartender asked. Okay, so maybe Kurama had to get a little dunk before he grew to like the song, but it wasn't like he was totally wasted. Maybe just a little. . .

"Sure why not?" Was he slurring? Nah, It must be the music.

He smiled gratefully as the man refilled his glass. Again. It was funny how little alcohol humans could take. A few cups, and you'd already be thinking the oddest thoughts. "This is to rebelling against being the perfect human," Kurama yelled to whoever would listen. Then he took one long sip. 

Somehow, his cup was empty again. He stared at it wondering where the drink had run off to. Shrugging, he decided the club was too loud anyway. He could have sworn the music was lower in the beginning. He paid the bartender some money, though he could never tell you how much, and then left the club, the music-snake still whirling around his head.

Humming the hypnotizing tune, Kurama wondered where he would go. He couldn't go home, because if his mother saw him like this, she'd…Well, lets just say his mother wouldn't be able to handle the idea of him being drunk. And imagine if she knew the reason why!

Then he had an idea. He could go to Yusuke's. Yusuke's mother probably wouldn't care, nor would she notice. Heck, she might not even be home. And if she was, that would mean free drinks. It sounded like a great idea. But, something at the back of his mind was trying to remind him that he was angry with Yusuke. Angry with a good friend like that? Now why would that be?

Somehow, his feet carried him to Yusuke's place. Smiling with pride, he knocked on the door. Yusuke answered and gasped when he saw Kurama.

"Where were you? I tried calling your house all day. There is something you should know about…" he stopped when he noticed Kurama's condition. "Uh, Kurama, you're drunk."

"No!" Kurama said defensively. Then he lowered his voice. "Okay, I am, but don't tell. It might ruin my reputa-a-ation."

Yusuke helped him get inside and onto the couch. "Now why the hell did you go drinking? I know you aren't stupid enough to get drunk by accident."

"I am Youko Kurama! I ca-a-n do as I please! And drink as mu-uch as I please," he slurred. " And. . .And. . ." he frowned in thought. 

Yusuke sighed. "You are going to feel like hell tomorrow."

"I can handle a little bit of booze, Yusuke."

"I know that, but something tells me you had a bit more than just a little."

"Well, I don't thi-ink it concerns y-you." Kurama leaned back in his chair. 

"You are in my house."

"So I am!" he giggled, standing up. He must have done it too fast, for as soon as he stood, he fell to the floor.

Yusuke went to him and saw the redhead was out. "Well, look what has become of the mighty Kurama," Yusuke said. "Now I have to take care of your ass." Yusuke lifted him up and placed him upon the couch. Then he got a blanket and draped it over his friend. "We'll talk tomorrow, then," he whispered.

~^*^~

The first thing he was aware of was a harsh pounding in his head. Then he felt the most uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. It rumbled rebelliously and Kurama realized he had to get to a bathroom right away. He jumped up despite the pain it caused and suddenly got confused. Where was he? It didn't matter, he was going to burst any moment. Forgetting the bathroom idea, Kurama grabbed hold of a wastebasket and spent a considerable amount of time emptying his stomach.

"Ah, so you are awake," Yusuke called, coming into the room. 

Kurama groaned and sat back, closing his eyes. Yusuke's house? How the hell did he get manage to drag himself there? He decided he didn't care. The pounding in his head was too intense for him to worry about such things. 

"I can't believe you got yourself dunk, Kurama. I would have never expected that from you," Yusuke continued.

Drunk? Then Kurama remembered the bar. _Oh Inari!_ he thought. He must have totally wasted himself last night. He could barely remember anything after his second cup of sake. He groaned again, disgusted with himself.

Yusuke kept talking, unmindful of Kurama's groans. "I guess its understandable, with all the emotional strain you are going through. I mean, you mustn't be used to human feelings like this. But still, getting drunk isn't the answer. It will only make your problems worse."

"Will you shut up?" Kurama winced. He needed to get home and escape Yusuke's ramblings.

"Look, Kurama," Yusuke said, sitting down. "I was going to tell you this last night, but you passed out before I had a chance." He searched for the correct words. "You see, at the party, when you kissed Hiei---"

"I don't have time for this, Yusuke." Kurama didn't want to hear what he had to say. It was bad enough Yusuke had gotten him into this mess in this mess in the first place. He didn't need to be dragged deeper. Kurama stood and went to the door. 

"Kurama!" Yusuke yelled. You are missing the whole point! You are so wrapped up in your own emotions, you can see what's in your face!" 

Kurama paused, his hand on the doorknob. Yusuke continued. "When you kissed Hiei, he had the oddest look in his eyes. You may not know it, but Hiei does have feelings for you."

"Sorry, Yusuke, but I need to get an aspirin. Thanks for taking care of me last night." Kurama left, slamming the door behind him.

He slowly made his way from Yusuke's. _I must look like hell,_ he thought to himself. He ran a hand through his hair. It was tangled beyond belief. And his clothes were all wrinkled. Also, with each step he took, a knife of pain would stab its way into his head. The only thing Kurama wanted was a nice aspirin and his comfortable bed.

As he walked, unmindful of the glances people were giving him, he caught sense of familiar, dark spirit energy in a nearby tree. _Hiei._ His head ached worse at the thought. Before he could realize what he was doing, Kurama walked to the tree and called Hiei's name. Hiei jumped down, saw Kurama, and began to run. Kurama, for a split second, watched the blur begin to fade. Then, on spur of the moment, he began to chase him.

"Hiei! Hiei, will you just wait for a minute?" Kurama kept running, but the pain was preventing him from speeding. Then, admitting defeat, Kurama slumped down to the ground, screaming, "Fine! Have it your way."

Hiei stopped then, and watched Kurama from some feet away. "What the hell happened to you?" he asked.

"That doesn't matter. None of it matters! God damn it, Hiei." Kurama yelled, his head in his hands. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that I made you leave the other night. I'm sorry that Yusuke and the others enjoy making a joke out of our lives. I'm sorry that I had to kiss you. I'm sorry you got so damn embarrassed and ran." His voice kept rising. He was yelling on the top of his lungs now, all his emotions pouring out. "My head is killing me! This is your entire fault, Hiei! You messed me up so bad. Its because of you that I got drunk and it is because of you that I feel like crap!"

Hiei just blinked at him as Kurama continued. "And I know you are sorry too. Sorry you ever got involved with me and my stupid human emotions!" He lowered his voice a bit. "I can't believe I am going through this over a kiss. And on the cheek no less!" Before Hiei could think, let alone respond, Kurama was before him, whispering, "For all this aggravation, I might as well really kiss you." Next, Kurama pulled Hiei close. He took Hiei's chin in his hand, forcing him to meet his eye. Then, Kurama lowered his lips to Hiei's.

The kiss was amorous. Kurama drank hungrily from Hiei's mouth, savoring the passion between them. Hiei responded to the kiss, slowly at first, but then ravenously. He pulled Kurama tighter, drowning in the heat. They could feel each other's hearts beating against their own chests as they held on to each other, as if fearing that they would never be close again. Kurama deepened this kiss, his own heart racing faster than he ever thought possible.

It had been everything he ever dreamed. Hiei was so warm, so inviting and so very delicious. He never wanted to let go. He wanted to float in the clouds with Hiei forever in his arms. This was the moment he had longer for. He had wanted it for so long now. And finally, he was bathing in complete elation.

Due to lack of air, the two pulled away. Both were breathless, gasping for air. Both hearts were racing equally as fast. Both were wrapped in an air of amazement, staring into each other's eyes without saying anything. 

Hiei's eyes filled with tears. Without a word, he fled from Kurama once again, disappearing.

Kurama blinked looking after Hiei, watching the spot where Hiei had just been. His mind replayed the kiss over and over again and Kurama just blinked, his emotions stunned. He was filled with total disbelief and shock. 

Confused and bewildered, Kurama stared after the dust. _What did I do?_ He thought to himself. _Hiei. . .Hiei hated the kiss. And now, he hates me. What have I done? I shouldn't have kissed him. I should have never listened to Yusuke. Now Hiei knows my feelings. Nothing will ever be the same._

__

Who am I to think I can kiss him?

He started to walk, his shoulders slumped and his head down. He was both embarrassed and depressed. _I make such a disgusting human. . ._

End Part Two


	3. Part Three

Title: Heart's Confusion (Part Three)

Author: Lady Miriamele

Warning: Yaoi

Reviews Welcomed :)

^Standard Disclaimers Apply^

Yusuke absently flicked through channels on his TV. Nothing interesting was on. It was about three hours after Kurama left and he felt himself growing impatient. Kurama had to make a move on Hiei before it was too late or they'll never end up together. Love could be so stupid sometimes. They were running in circles around each other and neither of them knew it. Come to think of it, it was actually like some pathetic chickflick. Except it involved two guys. Kind of funny if you thought about it. 

He couldn't forget the look on his friends' faces when they saw Kurama kiss Hiei. Hiei's eyes had been wide and they showed pure emotion. He longed for Kurama and that much was obvious. And Kurama always was an open book. The hurt in his eyes was so conspicuous when Hiei had pushed him away. Everyone who was present saw the emotions in the two. Everyone save for Kuwabara, but Yukina had explained it to him. 

Yusuke chuckled to himself. Then there came a loud knock at the door. Yusuke went and opened it. Before him stood Kurama, leaning against the doorframe. He looked much better than he had that morning. There was an odd look on his face, though. 

"Hello, Yusuke," he said simply, unmoving. 

"Hey Kurama, whats up?"

"Well," Kurama began, "I took your advice and made a move on Hiei."

Yusuke's eyes widened. "Really? Come in, we can talk about it."

Kurama said, "There isn't much to say really," but he allowed himself to be led inside. He took a seat on the couch. Yusuke offered him some tea, but Kurama politely refused. 

Yusuke sat beside him. "So, begin."

"As you know, I was kind of disoriented when I left here." Yusuke nodded. "My head was killing me and I was all caught up in my emotions. I had been walking down the street when I felt Hiei's spirit energy. I called to him, but he ran. I, not wanting to lose him again, chased after him. Finally I got him to stop." Kurama paused slightly.

"I exploded then. Let out all my feelings, everything that was bottled up inside. And then I kissed him."

Yusuke moved forward a bit, completely interested.

"Hiei kissed me back. Oh, it was wonderful, Yusuke. It seemed everything I had dreamt was coming true. He responded to me. Everything was okay." Kurama stopped then, and didn't continue.

"Is that all?" Yusuke asked.

"Not really. I mean, one thing led to another and now we are together."

"You made it?" exclaimed Yusuke. "I knew you could do it! I knew it! See, I was right after all. Congratulations!"

Kurama still had that odd expression on. He seemed void of emotion. Almost lost. "Yeah, its great. Anyway, the real reason I came here was to invite you to the wedding."

"The what?!" Yusuke was aware that his voice had rised a pitch. 

"Yeah, we are holding it in two weeks."

"Kurama, you can't be serious." Yusuke couldn't wipe the surprised look off his face.

"You're right. I'm not serious." Kurama was acting very different than Yusuke had ever seen him. "I'm not serious about any of it."

"What?"

"I took your advice, Yusuke. I went, spilt my heart out to Hiei and kissed him. Then Hiei left me. He _hates_ me. He utterly hates me."

"Wait," Yusuke stood up and began to pace. "That can't be true, Kurama."

"This whole ordeal is incredibly stupid. Look at me! Is this the Kurama you know? Am I the same person you befriended? Am I still that perfect student? Am I still that valient youko?" Kurama remained apathetic, just reguaring Yusuke with his bright green eyes.

"Kurama, you---"

"No!" Kurama interrupted him. He stood up and came very close to Yusuke. His eyes beheld anger. "You can't know who I am. I don't know who I am. He ruined me! You made me think there was a chance, Yusuke. And there wasn't. Now, my heart is broken. I am broken. I won't ever be the same again." He turned and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I am going to try and find myself again. I'm closing Hiei off."

Yusuke gaped and watched as Kurama left the house. Slowly, he slid to the floor. That had been very scary. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't have made this mess. It couldn't be his fault. . .Could it? All he knew was that Kurama had never been that way with him before. Vaguely, as he lost himself in thought, he heard the sound of the television.

~^*^~

From a large tree, Hiei watched Yukina. She was so delicate, so innocent. She fed the birds outside Genkai's temple with a beautiful smile on her face, gently coaxing them to eat. She was so happy and Hiei knew it. That was why he wouldn't crush that happiness by telling her that he was her brother. He'd just continue that imaginary search. He didn't want to hurt her.

Rather than think about his relation to Yukina, though, Hiei found himself wondering if she knew what love was. Her feelings toward that stupid loud-mouthed ningen Kuwabara couldn't be love. Or could it? She definitely cared for him, and he for her, but was love involved? 

What was love anyway? Hiei wasn't sure he knew himself. A long time ago, Hiei promised himself that he would never fall in love, because love was what brought him forth into this world. And love had caused him to be the Forbidden Child, doomed to be alone. He promised himself he'd never lock himself in such a trap. Never.

Kurama had changed all that. He had entered his life with that vain fox attitude of his, teasing and tempting. Kurama had cared for him and befriended him, tearing down some of the walls that Hiei spent so much time forming. Thusly making Hiei seriously attracted to him. Kurama was beautiful, but it wasn't only the beauty that he liked. There was something deeper. Something that drew Hiei to him. Something that pained his heart. It was this that left Hiei terribly confused.

That kiss had been wonderful. Hiei absently stroked his lips, the memory of Kurama's taste still lingering. Did Kurama love him? The fox had gotten drunk over him, but did that really mean anything? Kurama had kissed him, held him so close. There had been something there, Hiei was sure of it. But did Kurama love him?

Most of all, did Hiei love Kurama?

__

Damn you, fox, for confusing the hell out of me, Hiei thought. He looked down to get another look at Yukina, but she was gone. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he failed to notice.

He needed to talk to him. There was no way he could avoid this. His heart was aching more with each minute. He needed to find out what it was that Kurama truly felt for him. Then he'd be able to figure out his own feelings

.

He flitted away from Genkai's temple and to Kurama's house. Perched on the tree outside, he scanned the house for Kurama's spirit energy. Nothing. Figuring Kurama went out, Hiei decided he'd wait for a while.

Two hours passed and still there was no sign of Kurama. Hiei was growing impatient and thus decided to look for him himself. He made his way throughout the streets, but still couldn't find Kurama anywhere. _He can't be in that stupid ningen place he always goes to. Kurama told me that he was let out for the summer_, Hiei thought. So where was Kurama then? 

As Hiei looked, he caught sight of Kuwabara heading to Genkai's temple. Even though he didn't want to, Hiei asked him if he saw Kurama.

Kuwabara frowned in thought. "Not since that party we had for Yusuke and Keiko, no. That isn't like Kurama at all, is---" But Hiei had already left. "Stupid shrimp," Kuwabara mumbled and continued on his path.

Hiei ran to Yusuke's place and stormed in once Yusuke opened the door. Yusuke smiled, a bit nervous, but greeted him. 

"Where's Kurama?" Hiei asked, ignoring Yusuke's questions of how he was and what was new.

"Uh, Hiei, I think you better sit down. We have a lot to talk about."

Hiei glared at him. "Just talk."

Yusuke nodded and told him everything he knew, from Kurama's confession, to his plan with the kiss, to Kurama getting drunk. "He kept talking about how much you hated him and he said he had to go find himself or something like that. Hiei, he really loves you."

"I-I didn't mean. . ." Hiei trailed off, not knowing what to say. Kurama really did love him and he had made him think that he hated him. "Where is he?" Hiei asked, ashamed at his actions. He didn't mean to act like he did, but everything had happened too fast.

"I don't know. I asked his mother, but she told me he went on a trip, to continue studying or something like that. She said he'd be back before school started." Yusuke shrugged. 

Hiei frantically searched his mind for an idea on how to locate Kurama. Then it came to him. "Koenma!" He left without another word.

Kurama must have told Koenma where he could be found. If Koenma needed the Spirit Detectives for any emergencies, he had to know where to locate Kurama. Hiei hurried and got to his office. Storming in, he immediately asked where Kurama was. 

"Hiei, what brings you here?" Koenma asked.

"I asked you where Kurama was. Now tell me."

Koenma shrunk back in his seat, trying to hide behind the stacks of paper on his desk. "Sorry, but I told him I wouldn't tell anyone. He seemed very upset."

Hiei growled and lunged forward, "Tell me unless you fancy the idea of being burnt to a crisp."

"I assured him I wouldn't---"

He was interrupted by Boton, who came into the room saying, "Koenma, did Kurama say when he was coming back from New York?" Koenma thumped his head on his desk. Boton then noticed Hiei and gasped. Hiei showed the slightest smile and was gone.

"I-I'm so sorry, K-Koenma-sama. I didn't know he was here." Boton trembled.

Koenma sighed heavily. "Well, maybe those two can finally straighten things out."

~^*^~

Five places. Hiei had been to five different places in this area called "New York" and he still hadn't found Kurama. The area he was in now was the worst. There were so many ningens everywhere! It was so hard to concentrate with all of their racket. And he had dismissed the idea of walking among them right away. They pushed and shoved each other, shouting into those small machines and rushing everywhere they went. Hiei knew he had to find Kurama soon, or he'd lose patience.

Finally, as he was halfway through a very large park and the sun was setting, Hiei caught wind of Kurama's spirit energy. It led him to a very tall building in which there many ningens present. Hiei swiftly climbed the building, faster than the human eye could see, and landed on the windowsill of the seventeenth floor. It was open and Hiei entered, making sure he made no sound.

From the bathroom emerged Kurama, dressed only in a robe, his hair soaked. He didn't notice Hiei and was too lost in thought to pick up his energy. With a sigh, he plopped on the bed and began to read a book. Hiei watched for a moment. Kurama looked so sad. He wasn't smiling and the glint in his eyes was gone. He seemed so. . .lonely.

"Kurama." Hiei's voice shattered the silence.

End Part Three


	4. Part Four

Title: Heart's Confusion (Part Four)

Author: Lady Miriamele

Warning: Yaoi

Reviews Welcomed :)

^Standard Disclaimers Apply^

It had been four days since the kiss and his heartbreak and Kurama had to say he was feeling better. Of course, he was still wrapped in pain whenever he thought of Hiei and his missed chance, but the vacation had been enough to take his mind off things. At least partially. There were still times he would go off into space, musing about how badly he messed up and how Hiei would never be the same with him again. Kurama would still dream of him at night, but he was making progress, as slow as it was. The trip away from Hiei was just what he needed. He just hoped he would be able to get over the fire demon by the time school started, or another mission popped up.

Kurama decided he wanted to take a nice relaxing bath to relieve the tension another of his memories with Hiei had brought to him. He slipped into the tub and, lighting some rose incense, soaked until the water grew cold. Feeling refreshed, he stepped out of the bath, thinking that maybe he would go out to eat at that restaurant he saw yesterday. 

As he began to towel dry his hair, he couldn't help but think of Hiei. _I am emotionally broken because of all this. I must really be a pathetic example of my kind,_ he thought as tears formed in his eyes. _I can't help it though! That foul-tempered youkai stole my heart like no one has done before._

Suffocated by his thoughts, Kurama figured he'd forget dinner all together and do something to get his mind off Hiei. Reading seemed as good a distraction as any, so he dropped himself on his bed with a book he purchased at the airport. He was done with four sentences when a voice broke the silence. 

"Kurama."

Completely startled and cursing himself for being off guard, Kurama jumped up and immediately prepared to attack. Alertness soon turned to disbelief and shock as a small and very familiar figure emerged from the darkness. Kurama gasped and desperately looked for an escape route. What was Hiei doing in his room?

"We need to talk," Hiei said, coming closer. Kurama flinched at his tone of voice.

_Stupid,_ Kurama chided himself. _Stop being so damn afraid!_

"What do you want?" Kurama asked, taking a seat and returning to his reading. Well, at least pretending to.

"Will you talk to me?" 

Kurama snorted harshly. "What is there to talk about? If you have anything to say, just say it. But do hurry, I'm busy."

After there had been no response from Hiei, Kurama looked up and saw that Hiei was now standing much closer than before. "What do you feel for me, fox?" Those blood red eyes seemed to burn through Kurama's soul.

A slight moment of silence passed. Unable to lie, Kurama sufficed with saying, "I hardly see why that matters."

"Damn it, Kurama, stop playing games!" Hiei glared.

"I don't know what you are talking about Hiei." Kurama turned back to his book. "If it is about the kiss, you should know that what is done is done and nothing can change that. What feelings I might have had no longer matter. Everything was determined with that kiss and you made your decision." Kurama wasn't sure if that made much sense. From the way Hiei was looking at him, he figured it didn't, but that didn't matter much. He was having a very difficult time hiding his emotions and keeping his cool.

"Does that mean it is too late?" Hiei's voice was nearly a whisper and Kurama couldn't help but gape at his melancholy tone. Hiei stepped forward and moved a strand of hair out of Kurama's face. A tingling sensation ran up Kurama's spine and he flinched away from the touch.

Hiei turned, about to leave and admit defeat, but Kurama finally dropped his barriers. "Why?" He choked on the word.

"Why what?" Hiei kept his back to Kurama.

Kurama felt the tears gather and wiped his eyes angrily. "Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just leave me in my misery instead of coming here to hurt me more?"

The red eyes widened and Hiei's mouth opened slightly, as if to say something, but remained silent.

"I have loved you for so long now and I can't deal with this. First, at that stupid party, I kissed your cheek and you flipped out on me. I couldn't stand it. I was sure I drew you away for good. Then, when my head is all boggled from a hangover, I find you and kiss you and---damn it, that was the best freaking kiss I have ever experienced---and you responded. Then you leave, just like that, not a word. I was certain you hated me, yet here you are! You are confusing the hell out of me and I am stuck in an emotional whirlwind, so will you please do me the pleasure of telling me what you want?!"

Hiei went to Kurama and bent to whisper in his ear three words that left Kurama in awe. "I'm so sorry." And he was gone.

For what seemed hours, Kurama was left awestruck. "Didn't he just say he was sorry?" he shrieked to the ceiling, as if it held answers. Throwing the book aside, Kurama got into bed and buried his face in his pillows. "Why did he leave? Why did he come back? Why did I kiss him? Why is this happening!" he exclaimed in anguish, doing his best to contain his tears.

Being emotionally exhausted, he fell into a dreamless abyss.

Kurama awoke late the next morning. He didn't feel like ever getting up, for all the pain that had been dulled was reawakened with Hiei's visit. He groggily wiped his eyes and got up, trying to make it to the bathroom in his fogheaded state. As walked, he stepped on something incredibly hard and yelped in pain, nearly falling to the floor. He bent down to inspect what it was and gasped in shock. A dark teargem, glistening in the morning sunlight, lay on the hard, white floor. Kurama lifted it up and held it to his heart. 

Did it mean that Hiei really did love him?_ Why can't we just get it right?_ His mind screamed. _Hiei, do you love me? Please come back to me. . .I need you. . .Hiei. . .I love you. _He looked at the teargem once more, unable to hold in his tears. T here it was, in his hands. Proof that it was true. Hiei had feelings for him.

"Hiei. . ."

"I'm here, Kurama."

Kurama spun around. Sure enough, there was Hiei, a mere foot away. This time, Kurama couldn't restrain himself. He couldn't hold it in any longer. He lunged forward and grabbed Hiei into a firm embrace. "I love you Hiei. I am so sorry for how harsh I was, its just that---"

Hiei silenced him with a heavenly kiss. Upon pulling away, he stroked Kurama's cheek, trailing tears. "Shhhhh. . ." He moved forward, kissing Kurama again. He trailed a hand down Kurama's exposed chest.

"Hiei," Kurama smiled, a sparkle in his eyes. "Do you know how long I've waited for this?"

"Just as long as I have," Hiei replied, avoiding Kurama's astounded expression by running kisses down his torso. 

~^*^~

Hiei watched Kurama sleep, curled up against him. He was faintly smiling as he drew closer to the youko. He felt at peace. He loved Kurama with all his heart and knew that now that he had him, he would never let him go. "Hiei," Kurama mumbled, opening an eye. "Awake already?"

"Hn," Hiei replied as he admired Kurama beauty. 

"You know," Kurama let out a huge yawn. "We have all summer here, alone. . ." Kurama took him into his arms and brushed his lips against Hiei's. "Isn't that wonderful?"

Hiei closed his eyes. Yes, it would certainly be wonderful. But before he could let himself endulge in that euphoria, Hiei had to tell Kurama. Half the night he had been up, and now he knew it had to be said. "Ai Shiteru, fox." It was almost inaudiable, but he knew Kurama heard it.

Even though his eyes were closed, Hiei could see the elated smile that Kurama had on his face. "I love you too, Hiei. Always. . ."

~^*^~

A week before the beginning of school, Kurama and Hiei returned to Tokyo. Once it got around that they had returned, and were finally together, the gang threw a party in their honor. Of course, it took a lot of coaxing to get Hiei to come, but Kurama had handled it. Kuwabara, Yukina, Yusuke, Keiko, Boton, Shizuru, Kurama, Hiei and even Koenma sat together in Genkai's temple, drinking sake and enjoying each other's company. 

"Come on, Hiei," Kurama was saying, batting his eyes at the Koorime.

"Kitsune no baka! I will not in front of all these people!" Hiei whispered fiercely.

"But it is a party for us. Don't you think we should at least do something that proves we are a couple?"

"Hn," Hiei snarled. "I'm talking to you, arent I?"

Kurama began to pout. "But I love this song. C'mon, just one dance?"

"No."

"Fine." Kurama sighed. "If you don't want to dance. . ." He advanced forward, unexpected by Hiei, and stole a passionate kiss. Everybody watched the two, breathless.

Hiei pushed Kurama away after a minute had passed and Kurama giggled. "Thank you, babe," he teased, licking his lips.

Yusuke watched this with a lopsided grin. "See?" He winked at the couple. "If it weren't for all my hard work and expertise in relationships, you two would never be together!"

Yusuke was rewarded with two, cold death glares. Laughing nervously, he decided to change the subject. "Uh. . .what game should we play?" 

"How about truth or dare?"

It took both Kurama and Yusuke to restrain Hiei, and Yukina's soft words, to keep him from slicing Kuwabara into multiple pieces.

End Heart's Confusion


End file.
